Spring Peeks Out
1 year ago
Friday, February 13, 2009
I'm Fine
I am one of those people who don't like to admit that anything is wrong. When anyone, yes, even my family, asks me how I am doing, they invariably get one of two responses. One: "I'm hanging in there." Two: "I'm fine." This second answer has actually become quite a joke in my family, and they now like to say it with me or mouth the words. They still ask, though, because they care, and because they know me well enough that they can tell how I feel just with the way I utter those few words. I know they would like me to be more open about how I feel, but I honestly cannot answer that question any other way. It may seem like denial, but for me it's about my mental attitude. I am like the Little Engine that Could: "I think I can, I think I can." If I say I am fine or that I am hanging in there, maybe I can be fine, and I can hang in there. At least for a little while, until somebody makes me go sit down. So, am I stubborn? Absolutely, but I would encourage anyone suffering with a chronic illness to show that illness a little of your stubborn side. Lupus may knock me down sometimes, but I will always get back up. I will always hang in there, and I will always hope to be just fine. It's my way to remember to keep living my life, to keep my heart open to the love around me, and to always find a way to laugh.
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4 comments:
amen sister. i save the long dialogues for the rare person in my life i feel safe with. but for the most part, i keep the hope alive and focus on what's going well. my blood tests for L*p*s (I don't even use the word, even after 17 years, how's thet for stubborn!?) just came back negative for L*P*S, and while that is not a definitive proof as to whether you do or don't have the illness, my results have always been extremely positive for ANA and double stranded DNA and they both came back negative.
i still have to pace myself, because i know i could fall ill again- all i need is no rest, stress, and a crappy diet, and i'm back to square one re-building my health.
I do Chi Gong daily, and keepa gluten-free dairy free diet. Those are my "secrets" to keeping the wolf at arm's length (or further, preferably).
well wishes!
oh by the way in 12-step, when people say they're "fine" that usually means they're not telling the truth. Sometimes folks respond by saying oh, FINE? That stands for:
* F-ed up
* Insecure
* Neurotic
* Emotionally unstable
I guess their point being, "as long as you're talking to *somebody*.
Thanks for your comments. Sorry it took a while to get back to you, but my email notification was going to the wrong place!
I know what you mean about the healthy diet - I'm a vegetarian. If I go out to a restaurant and eat junk food, I pay for it.
I haven't tried Chi Gong, but I do my Pilates and dance on my trampoline when I'm feeling able. Singing along and dancing to my favorite songs is good exercise and good fun.
I just found your blog and I feel as if I have written it myself. I have Lupus, Cystitis, and Fibromyalgia also. I was lucky enough to have my children in my early 20's and contracted Lupus from getting viral meningitis when my kids were 10 and 8.
Many people in my life don't know I'm sick. I'm not as active as I once was, and have gained some weight, but really try not to dwell on the fact that I feel tired, sore, headachy, and the like on a daily basis.
I may have Lupus, but at this point, I refuse to let it have me.
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