Caught a Bug

Sadly, the title of this post does not refer to a glowing firefly in a jar. The warm weather has indeed come early this year, but not quite that early. No, I mean the aching body, runny nose, incessant coughing kind of bug. You see, college students are always coming down with something, and its only a matter of time before a professor catches a virus and brings it home to share with his wife. I can only say, "Really, honey, you shouldn't have."

An experienced lupus patient should know how important it is to pay attention to the progression of any other illness, considering that her immune system behaves so badly under "normal" circumstances. I say "should know" because in my continual efforts to be strong, I completely ignored that I was becoming quite sick. Luckily the wise professor insisted that I go to the doctor, and the antibiotics eventually had me feeling better, but clearly this is another one of those lessons I will never learn. (My husband is probably rolling his eyes as he reads this part.) The problem is that I do not ever want to be perceived as a hypochondriac, so I tend to err in the opposite direction. ("It's just a flesh wound!") Honestly, without someone to watch out for me, I can't imagine what kind of trouble I'd get myself into! So why can't I learn?

I think that in my attempt to live like a "normal" healthy person, I had fogotten that I have an abnormal immune system over which I have no control. (No control?!? I HATE not having control!) What I'm about to write here may sound odd, but if I think about my immune system as separate from me - separate from the essence of who I am and how I define myself - then I stop feeling like I was "weak" to get so sick. The immune system is the guilty party - my evil nemesis - and I was betrayed. I am still strong, I just have a really pathetic excuse for an immune system. If I can think of it this way, I find it easier to believe that I am still a strong person, but I just happen to be stuck with weak body. That weakness does not define me, though, it is only a little part of me, and I am so much more than my lupus.

So the next time you are under the weather, try to remember that it's not weakness to be sick, it's just that dastardly immune system, complete with evil black moustache!